Last minute update

I got a call from the surgeon's office today and they are going to take the new spot off tomorrow.  I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 am.  I'm so glad they were able to get me in this week; I'm just sitting around doing nothing anyways.

Setback

I was set to start my final week of induction yesterday but we have hit a snag.  My blood work came back with elevated liver enzymes again and my treatment has been deferred for a week.  I was so demoralized when I found out.  I just want to get this over with so I can go back to some kind of normal life.

Last week I found a suspicious looking spot on my leg growing not an inch from the original tumour.  The oncologist examined it yesterday and would like to have it removed and biopsied. It is still quite small so it can be removed under local anesthesia and they won't have to take as much surrounding skin as they did with the first one.  Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing.

Two down

Second week of treatment - done!

Things that I am learning:

I am more than just a cancer patient.  In the first few weeks after diagnosis, the disease was all I could think about.  It was as if I had a big sign on my head that proclaimed to the world: I HAVE CANCER. It's scary, and it is easy to allow it to consume you if you let it.  I still dwell on it quite a bit, I admit, but I'm consciously trying not to let this disease define who I am.

The day of my surgery, I had a hymn going through my head over and over again:

God's own child, I gladly say it,  

I am baptized into Christ! 

He, because I could not pay it,

Gave my full redemption price. 

Do I need earth's treasure many?

I have one worth more than any

That brought me salvation free

Lasting to eternity!

I am baptized into Christ.

This is who I am. That is my true identity. I have cancer. No, I am baptized and this is what defines who I am. Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. ~ Romans 6:3-4  Through baptism, I have been united with Christ - I share in his suffering and death even as I share in his resurrection and glory.  This sin of cancer - for that is what it is: it is a perversion of the good and perfect body that God intended for his creation - was also nailed to the cross with the Saviour.  On the cross, Christ literally suffered and defeated this cancer that now lurks in my body.  It has already been dealt with, in the way that God chose to deal with all sin: through the Cross.

This is where I find my peace.  It's not simply knowing that I'm going to be taken care of in the hereafter - although that is good.   It is knowing day by day that the sufferings that I experience have already been dealt with, that they are not for nothing.  They are the price that Christ paid for my freedom and He paid it gladly, out of his tremendous love and mercy towards me.  This is very freeing.  It frees me to live not for myself - because I know that my life is in His - and allows me to live for others.

Right now I don't have much energy and what I can do for others is limited.  I am trying to accept that although I am indeed more than a cancer patient, being a "patient" is still my main vocation right now.  So I have been giving a lot of thought about how I can serve God and serve my neigbour in my present station. One of the obvious ways is to pray for and support my fellow chemo patients.  I am sure other opportunities to serve will present themselves.

I have made a "chemo buddy".  A nice lady who is undergoing the same treatment as I am for the same type of cancer.  Her mom and husband come with her each day and they have befriended me.  They have been so kind and their support has made a tremendous difference.  I look forward each day to talking and laughing with my new friends.  

Yesterday a dear friend accompanied me to treatment.  I hate asking others to come along - it is a lot to ask of someone.  It is a long day and it is not the easiest place to be.  Plus sitting there for hours is, well, boring!  But we made the best of it and managed to have a good time.  She treated me to a mini-manicure and we shared baby pictures (her twin niece and nephew/my grandson), talked and laughed.  It was a nice way to end the week.

Here is a charming rendition of "God's Own Child I Gladly Say It".  Enjoy!

For your viewing pleasure

I can hardly stand the sweetness!!

Look at those eyes...

This is one of my favourites.  Mearrik was having a fussy day and Hope was having a hard time getting him to settle.  Finally they went up to my room where it was quieter and they fell asleep in each others arms.  I couldn't resist taking the picture.

This one cracks me up.  Just look at the look of terror on Brent's face!  Brent is good with kids, but he doesn't quite know what to do with a tiny baby.  He will be a good uncle though.  He will be the fun uncle!

Blip

My second week of cancer treatment began on Monday with routine blood work.  One of the things they have to watch very carefully is liver function, because the high-dose interferon can cause liver damage.  Last week my blood came back fine but on Monday they found that the ALS and ALT enzymes in my liver were elevated and as a result, I can't have treatment this week until those levels come down.  Next week, assuming my blood work comes back ok, I will resume treatment.  They will make a dose adjustment to the amount of interferon I receive - the oncologist said it will likely be reduced by one-third.

Since the side effects I've been experiencing have been rather mild so far, I'm kind of hoping that the dose reduction will mean even milder side effects.  I'm really hoping that I will be able to return to work after the induction phase is over.  However, if I can't, I do have long-term disability benefits available, for which I am extremely thankful.  My boss knows that it is possible that I could end up needing more time off and he has told me to take whatever time I need.  It is a comfort to know that if I need to take more time that I will be able to; that I can just focus on getting better and not have to worry about employment issues.

After this phase of treatment, I will be on the "maintenance" phase for 11 months. One of the first things they asked me was if we have 100% drug benefits with our drug plan.  Thankfully, we do, because the total cost of the drugs over eleven months is roughly $40,000.  I asked what happens to people who don't have a drug plan and was reassured that there are programs in place to cover those situations.  I don't know about the other provinces, but in Ontario if you have cancer you will be treated and you don't have to worry about the cost.