Phase two

Friday was a big day.  I finished up my induction phase of treatment - that is the every-day-at-the-hospital-by-IV portion of the treatment.  When that was done they removed my PICC line.  AND I got word from the surgeon that the second lesion was not abnormal!  I would have celebrated except I felt especially crappy that night.  Figures.

When I finished up the last treatment and the PICC came out, I had to sit for a bit to make sure I didn't faint or have a reaction, and as I was sitting there I was overcome with...I don't know exactly - it was a mixture of relief and sadness and fear.  I started to cry and the nurse came over.  She told me it is really common for patients to be ambivalent about finishing.  On the one hand, we're glad to have the hard part over and be able to return to some semblance of a normal life.  On the other hand, we've become accustomed to being in a safe, supportive environment day after day and when treatment ends we lose that.  She reminded me that I can call the chemo suite any time if I'm having trouble; they have a supportive care team to provide follow up care.

I didn't think I would miss the PICC line, but yesterday when I had to have blood work and I got stuck three times because my vein kept collapsing I sure wished for the good old days when they drew the blood out of the PICC.  Other than that, I am very glad to have that thing out of me!

My mom was with me when I got the path results from the surgeon.  She was very quiet when she heard the news and then she simply said, "That's very good news".  This has been very hard on my folks.  My dad has been driving me back and forth to treatment each day and I can see the worry in his face.  I wish I could spare him the pain of this ordeal; he wishes he could do more for me.  I understand that, so I let him drive me each day so he can feel like he is doing something.  It means a lot to me.

Yesterday I learned how to administer my own chemo by subcutaneous injection.  At first I didn't think I would be able to do that, but it is actually not that bad.  I will have to give myself injections on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the next 11 months.  However, since I administer them myself at home, I can figure out what works best for my schedule and administer accordingly.  After my first injection yesterday, the side effects seems milder than the induction regimen and I thought "piece of cake".  Then around midnight I woke up with aches and chills and fever that lasted about two hours.  At this point its hard to say if that will be a regular thing, but if it is I suppose I can adjust my injection schedule so I don't get hit in the middle of the night.

My doctor would like me to wait until the new year before I attempt going back to work.  Actually he would prefer I do not work while receiving treatment, but he said he would leave it up to me - if I felt up to it then he would ok it.  The nurses have been discouraging it too.  They see unexpected adverse reactions all the time and I guess they just want to be cautious.  One thing is for sure - I am tired very easily these days with just the littlest effort.  That will probably be the determining factor - do I have the energy to return to work?  I guess I'll just have to wait and see.  At this point I'm just focusing on getting through Christmas!

I took a picture of the PICC line before they removed it.  Yeah, I know, I'm morbid :)